Smashing the Sand Barrier...4,000 kilometers of Desert Competition.
I leave for Oman in 6 days and I have not lifted a finger to pack. The thought terrifies me. I feel petrified that I have procrastinated in assembling my gear and packing my backpack. For those reading this blog for the first time... I am writing about preparing for TransOmania. It is a 300 kilometer nonstop footrace taking place across the desert in Oman. It is the first time I have raced this far without stopping. So why aren't I packed and ready to go?
I happen to specialize in procrastination. I have done it all my life and turned it into an art form. From my earliest years in school I put off writing papers until the night before they were due. But unlike most people who do this... I always excelled. I was an honor student and earned A's. I do really well under pressure in areas that matter to me. If something is important to me, I seem to like the rush that comes with delaying until the last possible moment, and then throwing myself at it and getting it done in a controlled intensity, and rapt attention to detail. I immerse myself into the project and get it done perfectly and just under the deadline.
I guess this is one of the reasons I ended up working for years as a Television Reporter. I went to work every day with a deadline hanging over my head. Two deadlines actually. As a National Reporter living in the West... I had to file my story for the East Coast by 4pm for the 6pm news... and then modify the story or do a live hit at 6pm for the local news. The entire day was spent racing against time to reach the deadline...and there was never a case where I was done early and just sitting around waiting to watch it back on the news when it aired. I guess some people just thrive on stress, pressure and deadlines.
But in preparing to write this blog... I did some research on procrastination and I was about to toss the idea of writing about it. I'll explain why in a second, but first, here is the official definition of the word.
PROCRASTINATE...to be slow about doing something that should be done: to delay doing something until a later time because you do not want to do it, because you are lazy etc.
Merriam-Webster
As a preliminary step... I looked up what was written about the subject on Wikipedia. OMG.
"Psychologists continue to debate the causes of procrastination. Drawing on clinical work, there appears to be a connection with issues of anxiety, low sense of self-worth, and a self-defeating mentality.... Procrastination is strongly connected with lack of self-confidence or disliking the task."
"Procrastination may result in stress, a sense of guilt and crisis, severe loss of productivity, as well as social disapproval.... Chronic procrastination may be a sign of an underlying psychological disorder. Such procrastinators may have difficulty seeking support due to social stigma and the belief that task-aversion is caused by laziness, low willpower or low ambition."
Wow...Really? Are you kidding me? Okay, it was at about that point that I wasn't going to write about my procrastination. And then I thought... I have to look into this subject. There is something that is not quite right here. What about the people who thrive on the adrenalin rush of putting things off? I am personally addicted to the thrill of just how long can you put something off before getting it done... "in just the nick of time." So I sat down to do some research on procrastination and thrill seeking. Sure enough, I found some great information but as usual, there are always two sides to every finding that is out there.
Some researchers have found that certain people may procrastinate because they have an arousal-seeking personality. They want to get a rush by putting off tasks to the last minute. These people seek out stimulating situations, even if they are negative, to get the stimulation. One of the world's leading experts on procrastination is Joseph Ferrari, Ph.D. Associate Professor of Psychology at
De Paul University in Chicago. He believes that there are three basic types of procrastinators....
1. Arousal types, or thrill-seekers, who wait for the last minute for the euphoric rush
2. Avoiders, who may be avoiding fear of failure or even fear of success
3. Decisional Procrastinators, who cannot make a decision
But another study done (on a small sample of just 311 students) concluded that much of their evidence and research suggested, no, there is not likely an arousal procrastinator. Kyle Simpson completed a thesis for his M.A. at Carleton University. He seems to conclude that the moral of the story is about self-deception and task delay. Apparently, people like me are just rationalizing the delay and deceiving ourselves with the belief that we work better under pressure.
And then there is the economist Thomas Schelling who believes in "The Divided Self." He thinks that we should look at ourselves as a collection of different beings that are striving for control. We harbor a crowd of souls in our breasts that are all vying for self-expression and dominance. So in dealing with procrastination, he says, we have to admit that "ourselves" have a problem.
If you have a collection of competing selves, who are they, what do they represent? Well, there are the selves that look at the short-term interests like having fun and doing what makes you feel good at the moment... and there are the selves that look at the long-term goals. What do you want to accomplish in life? So we have to bargain with ourselves. And we have to develop will power. We have to find our own ways of making "ourselves" work together and get things done.
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Obviously there is a lot to learn about the brain and the human mind. The brain has 100 billion nerve cells all connected in an intricate network that generates awareness, perception, behavior and emotions. And on top of that it controls our muscles, organs and our 5 senses. Our brain is constantly being shaped through learning and growth. It can be damaged early on in childhood through our experiences, it can be injured from an accident or it can malfunction because of disease. Scientists are looking forward to enormous advances in how the brain works and how it can be healed. And maybe one day we can prevent disease.
In the meantime, all we can do is work with existing knowledge and do the best we can to overcome. We all have strengths and weaknesses. I would hope that most of us are trying to become stronger, better people Some people point to ultrarunners and wonder what they are running from or toward. I get asked that a lot. Sure some of us may have insecurities or phobias or low self confidence. So what? I can only answer for myself when I say yes, I may be weak, I may procrastinate for whatever reason... but at least I am working every second of every day to improve myself. I am on the path to enlightenment, and for me that comes through running.
So how do I keep myself going when I tend to go off course 20 times a day? How do I get myself to train for hours at a time every day, in preparation for a race a year away? How do you avoid the temptation to procrastinate and do something else that provides instant gratification? There are countless diversions...blogging, facebook, television, spending time with friends, movies... All easy instantly gratifying. Long term goals require a lot of sacrifice, determination and will power. You have to keep "yourselves" focused and Find A Way to get things done on a consistent basis.
I believe in making To Do lists. I make daily lists, weekly lists, monthly lists and yearly goals. So as a procrastinator, this is how I live with myself. I obviously need the rush. So I have to outsmart "myselves." I put off my daily tasks until the last moment, but they get done. I put off my weekly tasks to the last moment, but they get done. And I put off my monthly tasks till the last moment, but they get done. All of this enables me to reach my yearly goals.
I have saved all my yearly goals since I was a kid. I am lucky enough to say that I have accomplished almost everything that I have set out to do. There are so many things on the wish list...and so little time. Major goals require that some dreams have to be set aside. This means you have to be willing to sacrifice some goals in favor of other ones. And when you make that choice you cannot look back or second-guess yourself. Follow your heart and it will lead you to your passion. Trust your instincts, and you will Find A Way to fulfill your soul. I love to run in deserts. It has become my life...but I have other "selves" that like to sit back and enjoy the ride.
So this brings me back to my packing for TransOmania. Even though I have not assembled a thing...I have lists. TransOmania is my 18th Desert Ultramarathon. Over the years I have developed a Master List for stage-race Desert Ultramarathons. This binder of lists outlines everything I need to bring, to do, to remember and prepare for a desert stage-race. It was probably back in November where I took these lists and made a Master List for non-stop Desert Ultramarathons. There were a few changes and additions that needed to be made...but nothing really major I don't think.
I have known for a year that I am doing this race. So through the preceding weeks and months I would buy this or that and throw it in a closet or into one of my numerous gear tubs that I have. So now what I have to do is dig out the Master List and start assembling everything. I will spend a day madly digging through my closets and tubs and throwing everything together in a last-minute blitz. This will leave me a day or two to collect, buy or borrow whatever is missing.
So, you see, I am a procrastinator but I am a professional procrastinator! I put things off just long enough, but once I get the thrill I pull myself back on track. I am constantly planning and preparing, yet putting off just long enough to get a rush. It definitely makes life like a roller-coaster, but for whatever reason, I need the sensation of the highs and lows... the periods of living life on the edge and the downtime that follows. I love being busy and getting an adrenalin rush and then I love sitting back and doing nothing but watch life go by.
With this upcoming race in Oman, I am looking forward to giving everything I have in the next few weeks to this event. There is no question it will take everything I have and more. It is going to be a battle. Everyone competing knows it is going to harder than what they are imagining. But what the hell...it is going to be fun! Remember that famous line in the movie "Lawrence of Arabia"...
T.E. Lawrence: This is going to be fun.
Mr Dryden: Lawrence, only two kinds of creatures get fun in the desert: Beduins and gods, and you're neither. Take it from me. For ordinary men, it's a burning fiery furnace.
T.E. Lawrence: No, Dryden. It's going to be fun.
Mr Dryden: It is recognized that you have a funny sense of fun.
Once I cross the finish line... I will have raced over 4,000 kilometers in deserts around the world. No other woman that I know of has put in more desert miles in official desert competitions. This does not include individual crossings or doubles or triples etc. This is just taking into account running in desert races.
I will be blogging about the experience and I will be contributing an article to TrailRunner magazine. It is going to be amazing race and I am really looking forward to savoring every second of the journey! Now I have to use my will power and convince " myselves " that it is time to start packing. I have to act today before the sense of panic becomes overwhelming and starts to disempower me. You see I know this from long years of practice and knowing just how far you can push the envelope. You can get only so close to the edge without going over into the abyss. (Yes, I have mentioned the abyss before. Yes, that place, wherever it is scares me.) But enough of this...Time to get to work! (But I have this overwhelming desire now to watch Lawrence of Arabia.)
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